The Green Fairy


There is always that one drunk guy at a party that has always been waaaay drunker than anyone ever has in their life. You know, the one guy who has even tried absinthe. Well now you can call him out on his bullshit, because no, he did not get his hands on the magical alcohol that makes you hallucinate.

Scientists have recently underwent an in-depth analysis of century-old bottles of absinthe, and despite what you may have heard, it seems as if the main ingredient that makes absinthe so powerful is simply the percentage of alcohol. Absinthe is 70 percent alcohol, making it 140-proof, not unlike Bacardi 151.

Absinthe was originally created in Switzerland and has been revered by such creative minds such as Vincent van Gough, Oscar Wilde, Aleister Crowley, Charles Baudelaire, Paul Verlaine, and Arthur Rimbaud. In their day they were seen as sort of “bad boys” with a devious addiction to this alcohol.

Due to the people the alcohol was associated with it was vilified by many European nations and the United States. Many scientists have determined that absinthe’s reputation could have derived from alcoholism, or possibly the leaking of toxic compounds during faulty distillation. Many people originally sited the chemical thujone in wormwood - it is also the thing that gives the drink its green color.

Yet, it seems that the levels of thujone in absinthe have simply been exaggerated, and there is no empirical evidence to support the claim that it is this chemical that lead to “absinthe madness.” This is another case of people going into hysterics over a mind-altering drug and letting their fears take over rather than making rational observations.


Mary Ann Likes Mary Jane

If you haven’t heard, Dawn Wells, the actress that played Mary Ann on “Gilligan’s Island,” got busted on her way home from her own surprise birthday party. No wonder they couldn’t find their way off of the island, Mary Ann was supplying the parties with Mary Jane.

She is 69 years old people, let the woman smoke a little bit of weed to get through her golden years. You know it must be tough previously being in the limelight and now she just wants to get a little toke here and a little toke there so she can relive the days where she was one of the most coveted women in show business.

Wells got hit with a six month unsupervised probation, five days in jail and a $410.50 fine, as well as one count of reckless driving. She pleaded guilty in order to drop three misdemeanor counts, DUI, possession of drug paraphernalia and possession of a controlled substance.

She was definitely high when talking to the police officer. She said that she had picked up some hitch hikers and she immediately dropped them off when they started smoking. The policeman went on to find a couple more unfinished joints in her car. She said she was swerving because she was trying to figure out how to work the heater in her new car; we all know she just hit some of that danky dank kush, and was coughing her brains out…most likely.


Press B2 for OG Kush

Have you bought marijuana at a vending machine before? Well, rest assured, you can now. It is legal to buy medical marijuana in Los Angeles from a vending machine, open 24-hours.

When I first heard this I realized that it could be viewed from two very differing perspectives: the first being that America’s stance on drugs is slowly becoming more tarnished and needs to be taken up a notch. An alternate perspective could be that America is gradually teetering on the brink of a society that is beginning to hold its inhabitants as responsible individuals. I would have to agree with the latter.

The advocates of these weed vending machines believe, and I think rightfully so, that these vending machines are beneficial to the community. Albeit, my opinions as to why, differ from those of the owners of vending machines; but we are in accordance with the fact that they ARE indeed beneficial.

Before I get into the reasons why these weed vending machines are a big step for Los Angeles, let me tell you about the basic workings of these modern day marvels. These machines are enclosed in a hefty, jet black, armored box. Its pretty much the coolest vending machine I’ve every seen, even for sheer aesthetic reasons, completely negating the wonderful service that it provides.

In my mind, it is wonderful that the city who popularized the fast food industry has now made it legal to get marijuana from vending machines 24 hours a day. Dubbed the "Herbal Nutrition Center" this vending machine will help various patients that suffer from loss of appetite, insomnia, chronic pain (no pun intended), and many other ailments and be seen as a sort of self-help, round-the-clock pharmacy.

How is it guarded you might ask. Well, there is a guard in a T-Shirt labeled "Security" and he stands in front of the machine, most likely with his arms crossed in some "tough guy" pose that makes sure you are indeed a patient. Then the computerized vending machine requires that you give your fingerprint as a means of identification and you have to retain a prepaid card with a magnetic stripe from your doctor in order to pay at the machine. Once the card and the fingerprint are verified then a bright green envelope with whatever marijuana you ordered drops down from the slot, similar to a candy bar. Unlike other vending machines though, this one surely won't malfunction and leave your marijuana dangling from a hook like a Snickers bar.

This proves wonderful for patients that might be apprehensive to receive their medication by other means. This legitimizes a service that the city has already deemed legal. The users are limited to only an ounce per week, and a patient can only buy 1/8 or ¼ of an ounce at a time. Due to the fact that there is not someone behind the counter that needs to be servicing the patients, the prices of the marijuana are cheaper. (Is there anything wrong with this machine?) For weed that would generally be between $65-80 the vending machines are practically giving it away at $40-45.

By having this medical marijuana dispensary available, Americans are on the right path in terms of the legitimization of drugs. Instead of drug users being hidden in the shadows of everyday life like criminals, we are shifting our views and putting everything out in the open, as it should be, because there is nothing wrong with trying to cure a little “chronic” pain (pun intended).


Response to Comment from "Rex 345"

In response to the
comment posted by "rex 345",author of Politaurus Rex, I would have to say that I pretty much covered my fact and didn't neglect anything at all. Maybe I didn't go into enough depth; you see once broken down to their sheer composition, the drugs that we create in order to mimic the endogeneous receptors in our brain are, in essence, the exact same thing. We are creating something that we already have, or else there would be no use for it. There are many ways that i could attempt to put it in some analagous form, but Shulgin to the rescue once again, has put it perfectly,
Look at yourself in the mirror, it's a good catharsis. It's me and the drug. It's a relationship which is available to everyone. Everybody has the possibility of going into some sort of ecstatic experience, at any time, without drugs, perhaps even at the grocery store.
I was asked almost the same question a few years ago, so I made up a chart about telephones. The finger dial system phone can be seen as an analog of the brain. All you're doing, if you dial the number one and release it, is making one very fast break in the integrity of the system. If you dial the six and release it, it makes six breaks in the system. Then the relay gets broken three times when you dial three, two times when you dial two and then five times, and you have the number - 6325. You see, you make the circuit by the number of times you break the relay. In fact, if you are very fast with your two fingers you can dial 911 by hitting the cradle which gives you the dial tone 9 times very fast and then once and then once again.

Then you have the push button system. Every time you hit a button you're actually activating two frequencies simultaneously. They devised frequencies so that there's no harmonic interference which could give you a false signal. You're not imposing breaks in the system, you're super-imposing two non-conflicting frequencies in the system.

I look upon this as the true analog of the human brain. The numbers represent serotonin, dopamine etc. If you want a signal to come through, you get this neurotransmitter combination which combines with this and that and the next thing you know you have a thought process and memory.

But when they designed the system, they didn't make it three by four, they made it four by four. These extra four stops have the rather unimaginative names of A,B,C and D and to operate them there is a very secret frequency of 1633 cycles per second. So if you play around with these, you get into areas you wouldn't believe! The military and deep computer language use these four additional stops. But they're not visible on your telephone.

And of course, these stops represent your psychedelic drug neurotransmitter which also gets you into weird places. All the wiring is there but you don't have access to it because 2 million years ago it got bred out of us because it didn't have survival value, in spite of what Terence McKenna says. So the wiring of the brain can use a psychedelic but the transmitter that makes it a functional network is not available.

Secondly, with regards to the ability to overdose from illegal substances, that cannot seriously be the problem at hand. I mean there are tons of deaths from LEGAL substances, car accidents, random shootings, falling down the stairs, running with scissors - but does that mean we should stop use of all these objects that could POSSIBLY kill us. If we are going to live in an imminent state of fear then what is the point of living at all? Half of this life is based on experience (nature vs nurture) so why are we going to limit ourselves from being able to become completlely entrenched in the abilities of the human mind? You could feasibly take too many Advil and die if that's how you chose "go out." The point I was trying to make is that responsibility should come from within the individual and not from some arbitrary system. The government really does not have too many regulations on what you can do to your body. It is YOUR temple, for instance, you can get it tattood, pierced, hung on hooks from walls, take your clothes off of it and dance on top of paying customers...does the government tell you how much food you can eat? No, so why should the ingestion of drugs be any diferent. There should be guidelines, of course, and children should not be sold drugs. But the reason that this has not happened is because the American mindset towards drug laws provides a sort of shell that diverts responsibility away from the individual. Yet, if we go by the way that I am suggesting, if you ALLOW drugs to spin you out of control the problem was you, not the creator of the drug, not the dealer that lied to you and told you it was the "really good stuff,"not the system for letting it hit the streets, but people would actually have to take blame for some of the shit they do. But since we are so quick to "save face" everyone wants to be POWERLESS to these substances as a means to circumvent attention away from how they have regressed or failed in the one and only life they have to live.

ME versus ME

K - one more poem I got in me before I go back to my other works...

Not that I'm big on astrological signs or anything, but I'm a gemini and have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder (not that either are anything more than an excuse to act two faced) - anyways...here it goes

My clashing identities are destined and doomed to be rapidly racing
To some finish line of mine
Where my highs are highs and my lows more sedating
LOOK, I'm dreaming in a nightmare with my eyes wide shut
My thoughts fill with ecstasy
While simultaneously screaming "WHAT THE FUCK"
I can't decide whether to weather the storm or flee
It's impossible to have piece of mind
When there are two inside of me
Dreadfully delightful duality shouts muffled voices crystal clear
The temptation to confidently confide in defeat is prevalent
But death is more appealing than living a facade of courageous fear
Self-destructive tendencies inundate my brain
Cliche sayings scream, "one life to live!"
So why can I only sadistically succeed in a constant state of pain
Soon I'll offer the fruits of my labor to life's insatiable appetite for answers
But the seed I've sewn aren't quite ripe
Undoubtedly dreading their decimation and my transformation into a stagnant advancer
I don't know exactly when, for the forecast is visibly clouded by my plight
You see, it's hard guaranteeing a plentiful harvest
When my days are filled with darkness and my nights are desperately searching for light